The Inner Child Gets Free.. Road Bullies and a Bit of Conflict

I let the inner child out of her room because she PROMISED to behave. But she didn’t. On Friday, I was driving my daughter’s car down the mountain for a conference. I drove 12,000 feet up over the Continental Divide, past Idaho Springs, and down into the bowels of Denver. Suddenly, the traffic was wall to wall. Cars were going well over the speed limit and weaving in and out of tight spaces. It was when the white utility truck tried to cut in front of me that the inner child took charge of our communication. The driver suddenly noticed me, swerved back into his own lane and shrugged his shoulders. He took his hands off the wheel for a few seconds and threw them in the air. My inner child did something I would  never do; she flipped him off.

After the inner child fell into a fit of road rage, I thought about Road Bullies. We label those who make school and work places hostile  as bullies. What about the people on the road who drive too close to you, or the drivers who cut in front of you when you are trying to keep a safe distance between you and the car next car? How about the person who decides s/he has the right of way at a 4 way stop when you are clearly on his or her right and have started to pull into the intersection? These are Road Bullies.

There are no signs on the road that say “Bullying will not be tolerated.” But there should be, as Road Bullies are dangerous people. They create a hostile traveling environment. They indicate a society that has become impatient and impolite, one that puts the lives of others at risk and makes travel unenjoyable. And they invade our personal space (remember the rule of keeping a car length between you and the next car for every 10 miles an hour you’re going? This is the personal space of the road).

What does this have to do with communication? We send a strong message to others by the way we treat them. When we invade the personal space of someone we don’t know, it’s  a sign of dominance and power. When power is perceived as imbalanced, it can create destructive conflict…the kind that releases the inner child in us and causes us to make poor decisions. Luckily, my inner child limited her brief encounter with road rage to putting a finger in the air. I sent her back to her “room” to keep her safe from the Road Bullies,  put on some  Dylan for relaxation and kept my finger securely  wrapped around the steering wheel.

Frustrations, Emotional Intelligence and a Bit of Traveling

Yesterday, when I pulled up to get gas in a small town, a man named Titus leaned in my window. He told me he was a veteran and that he needed 1.69 to buy his sodas that were sitting on the counter in the station. He reached into my Toyota, shook my hand and sedated me with his drunken breath. I grabbed the $2 from between the seats and gave it to him, but felt a bit rattled, as Titus hadn’t observed the usual rules of personal space.  He had leaned into my face. He had grabbed my hand.  The night got stranger, but I’ll save that story  (and this topic) for later. It’s been a long 3 days.

I left Stevens Point, Wisconsin on Monday and headed West. My final destination is Oregon, but I have to make a few stops in Colorado. The most obscure routes keep me awake while the interstate bores me to sleep,  so I decided to go across Minnesota, journey through South Dakota and on the third day, camp in Laramie  at a  “nice” (over $25) campground with reliable internet.  I need dependable internet service, especially on  Wednesdays; that’s the day I meet synchronously with students.  The internet was good for awhile, but as soon as students started entering class, it cut out. I panicked. My Wednesday night meetings are required.  I went to the office and asked for help. The person working assured me that she had nothing to do with the internet and I should call the “internet expert.” She handed me the number.  I called and left a voice message.  My inner child stomped her feet. I was already 15 minutes late; my students were eagerly awaiting my return. I left another  message with the illusive  internet expert. My voice was assertive but not aggressive; my inner child’s mouth was filthy.  Again, I approached the person at the desk. She didn’t seem to grasp the gravity of my problem. One of my students called me and I asked her to let the others know I was on my way.  I unhooked the RV and drove to McDonald’s, where I managed to salvage half of one class and complete the other  from the front seat of my Minnie Winnie.

In last week’s class, our focus at was emotional intelligence. Tonight, during the “what did I apply from last week” discussion,  I could tell my students that I had been very frustrated, but had not blown up. I’d practiced emotional intelligence by not reacting immediately. I had identified my feelings and responded appropriately. I’d refrained from throwing a tantrum, screaming, yelling and pulling out the cord from  their useless internet device.   Overtly, I was calm. Underneath my cool exterior and textbook  assertiveness, however,  things were not quite as rational.

The key to emotional intelligence is to understand that there are times when we have to make sure we keep that inner child locked in her room. I just hope she doesn’t write the letter to the campground before I do!